...все будет длиться лишь миг, я потеряю этот мир,прежде чем он станет моим (с)...
Some day you will get to the "point", and you will be able to understand that all, what you have done before, were lie.
You will stop and you be able to talk to yourself finally.
Then you will start to live so, how you wanted to live always, but were afraid to do it.